batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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