I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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