I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize