yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
