We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
