He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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