I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
