after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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