i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
