I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
