that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
