That's intense
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
