Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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