she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
