I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
