Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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