She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
