My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
