So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
