I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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