just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
