yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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