Need sex. Gaining weight.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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