Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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