So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
