Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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