i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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