That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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