Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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