the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
