so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
either way he was missing a nipple.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
