If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
