Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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