i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
