i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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