I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
