you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
