I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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