i think i have two assholes
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
