I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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