ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
