Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
