he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
