So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
