Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
