Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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