I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
