I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
