My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
