i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
