I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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