he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
