Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
