At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
