and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
