I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
