Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
