Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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